A couple of women the author interviewed explain the difference in grieving for a child that was taken and grieving for a child that died. Explore and discuss the two scenarios. How are they different? How are they similar?
What recollections do you have of girls who became pregnant before marriage, whether or not they were sent away?
Several of the interviewees recall maternity home staff using mind-control techniques (assigning pseudonyms, isolating “clients,” etc.). What are some other examples of how psychology and coercion were used with these young girls?
Are teenage girls today more likely to stand up and make decisions for themselves? If so, what is the source of this empowerment?
Discuss how public schools in the ’50s and ’60s handled sex education. How has this changed today? In your opinion, is there too much, or not enough, of a focus on sex education in schools? How has the Internet affected access to information about sex and sexuality?
Was there a particular interviewee with whom you felt closest (similar education background, socioeconomic status, family makeup, etc.)? What was it about her story that you most identified with?
Discuss how reliable paternity testing has changed how we look at premarital pregnancies. Is there still a sense of “boys will be boys”?
What are the pros and cons of unsealing adoption and birth records? Is it in an adopted child’s best interest to meet his or her birth mother? Is it in the best interest of the birth mother to connect with her child later in life? Why?
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Girls Who Went Away - Questions
Suggested DISCUSSION QUESTIONS from Penguin Reading Group:
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A couple of women the author interviewed explain the difference in grieving for a child that was taken and grieving for a child that died. Explore and discuss the two scenarios. How are they different? How are they similar? It seems that the only way for these women to describe how they felt about the surrender of their child is to say that it is like experiencing the death of your own child. That is depth of the loss they felt and it is something that anyone can relate to as opposed to giving up a child for adoption. I also can see how it is different from the death of child. The child is out there and alive and the mother doesn't know anything about him/her. I think it's the not knowing that makes it worse.
What recollections do you have of girls who became pregnant before marriage, whether or not they were sent away? I am from a generation after Roe v. Wade and most girls I knew that became pregnant before marriage had abortions. There weren't many girls that became pregnant that I knew of but that's what the few I knew did. This was in 1984 to 1986. There was something going on at that time too. I remember someone coming to talk to us about right to life and the term pro choice was being adopted as the phrase of the movement to keep abortion legal. Maybe Roe v. Wade was getting another challenge. The girls in my school were very unconventional also. I went to an alternative school and we were considered screw ups by everyone else so we didn't judge each other. This reminds me of one girl I knew that did have a abortion. I think it (the abortion) was just as traumatic for her as the stories of these women. I know it couldn't have been an easy decision for her to make. I don't remember how it came about but I know she remembered her due date if she carried her baby to term.
Several of the interviewees recall maternity home staff using mind-control techniques (assigning pseudonyms, isolating “clients,” etc.). What are some other examples of how psychology and coercion were used with these young girls? I remember reading one woman's story of the social worker saying "if you don't sign the papers giving away your child you have to pay all the money it cost for you to stay in the home, all the doctor bills and all the post natal care for the baby, now." I think that is extortion. I can't remember any other examples. But I think there was some lecturing by judges or authority figures that fell on deaf ears, like these girls weren't paying a high enough price by giving up their babies. Like they didn't feel bad enough that they were told that they shamed their whole family and had to go into hiding not for a day or a week but for 9 months with the cause growing inside them as a constant reminder. And then having to give the child away so everyday of their lives they wonder, "What happened to my baby?"
Are teenage girls today more likely to stand up and make decisions for themselves? If so, what is the source of this empowerment? I think it all depends on the family dynamic or if the girl has a trusted adult to go to. Our society dictates that a girl/woman gets married and then has children. It is just beginning to be socially acceptable to have unconventional families. And I think that any empowerment that young women feel today is from the progress the women that came before them have made. Including these women, whether they told their stories or not. They existed and and they lived through it and their histories are known even if it is just in the records. What happened to these homes anyway? They didn't just close up one day. Times change
Discuss how public schools in the ’50s and ’60s handled sex education. How has this changed today? In your opinion, is there too much, or not enough, of a focus on sex education in schools? How has the Internet affected access to information about sex and sexuality? wow! From what I have read from the women in this book, there was no sex education or rather is was handled in the home, which could be also considered as not at all. I think sex education is essential in this day and age. And believe there is not enough. I do not agree with those that believe that if teens know about sex they will go out and have sex. We know that kids are having sex. Kids will always have sex, throughout the ages, past and present. They need knowledge and with knowledge will come power, especially for the girls. They will have the power to make an informed decision on whether to have sex or not or at least protect themselves from pregnancy and disease. I think if these women profiled in this book had access to the internet they would have been better prepared for their situation. They probably would have learned of their rights and they certainly would have been prepared for childbirth, which I remember some of the women said they had no clue about. But it is "an after something has happened" resource instead of a prevention resource.
Was there a particular interviewee with whom you felt closest (similar education background, socioeconomic status, family makeup, etc.)? What was it about her story that you most identified with? I did not identify with any of the interviewees. I felt for each and every one but did not identify with them. My mother wanted me to have a child when I was 18 or 19 and so did my grandmother. I thought they were nuts but I knew that if it ever happened to me I would have their support.
Discuss how reliable paternity testing has changed how we look at premarital pregnancies. Is there still a sense of “boys will be boys”? I think there is a little more accountability and will be much more as father's rights progress just like woman's rights are progressing.
What are the pros and cons of unsealing adoption and birth records? Is it in an adopted child’s best interest to meet his or her birth mother? Is it in the best interest of the birth mother to connect with her child later in life? Why? I don't think there are any cons in unsealing adoption and birth records, especially with all we are learning about genetics. I believe the child has a right to know about any hereditary medical conditions. I'm not so sure if i can say it is in the best interest of either the adopted child or the birth mother's best interest to meet each other. I will leave it up to the individual. But I can't imagine not wanting to know. How can you not want to know who the other is? I would advise some sort of contact if I were asked about it.
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